just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
