remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
