Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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