i think i have herpe
just one?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Vodka?
Forever.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
