Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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