Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
