from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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