I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
