duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
There's always time for handjobs
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
