The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
