I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
