I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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