It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
