just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
