I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
