Please, let me fuck your mom
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
