guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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