We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
