You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
