i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
