Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
apparently the secret to your success is patron
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
