What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
should my penis look like a turkey
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
