You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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