Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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