The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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