I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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