I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
