spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
