Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
