Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
