And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
