Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
