I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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