Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
