A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
