I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
