At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
