My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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