did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
last night I used snow as a chaser
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
