I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
He did a backflip because drugs
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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