it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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