I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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