So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
