took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Randomize
