Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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