My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
