I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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