he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
