one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
