Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
