Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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